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FEATURE
ARTICLE:
COPING WITH GRIEF AND LOSS
Dr.
Will Keim
As I
have traveled this Fall to my appointed duties, students
across America have been thinking, talking, studying,
and praying about the events of September 11th and since
that have changed the way we think, feel, and live. At
the University of Wyoming a student asked me if I had
any thoughts about coping with grief, a sense of loss,
and sadness that accompanies any tragic event.
During
my six years as a Hall Director I had several situations
in which a student or staff member was faced with an
unanticipated event that shook them to their core. The
death of a friend, a parent's divorce, the breakup of an
important relationship...these and many other situations
can create a sense of fear and hopelessness. I came
across the writings of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and they
helped me help others. I present to you a summary of the
Stages of Grieving.
Stage
One: Shock & Denial
"No way...it can't be happening." "Tell
me it was just a nightmare." "How could this
happen?"
Stage
Two: Rage & Anger
"Why me?" "I'm outraged...this should
have never happened!" "We got to get back at
them for fhis...someone is going to pay."
Stage
Three: Bargaining
"God if you just heal my friend, I will be good the
rest of my life." "Take me instead of
her...she is better person." "Just this
once...make it go away."
Stage
Four: Depression
"I am so sad." "I don't know how I can go
on." "This ruins everything."
State
Five: Acceptance
"We can't let this make us live in fear."
"I have to go on...he would have wanted me
to." "I am going to live my life more fully
now and let the people I love know I love them."
I
want you to know that moving through the stages takes
time and that each individual deals with things
differently than the next person. Also, progression
through the stages is more manageable if we talk to our
roommates, Resident Assistants, Hall Directors, or Counselors.
No person is an island and crisis can and should bring
us together in community with others who suffer and
grieve.
There
are two resources I would leave you with: "When Bad Things Happen to Good People", by Rabbi Harold
Kushner, and "A Grief Observed
" by C.S. Lewis.
You
may also find the writings of Kubler Ross helpful. The
greatest resources though are human resources. Reach out
to others in need and your may well find your own sense
of loss put in perspective.
The
last word belongs to Lisa Beamer, widow of WTC terrorist
victim Todd Beamer. She said, "I especially want
the terrorists to know that they have not even been able
to ruin the lives of the families of the people they
killed." God bless her and know that you have the
strength to weather any storm together with your
friends. Reach out...help and be helped.
Will Keim, Ph.D.
www.willkeim.com
willkeim@home.com
Editor's note:
Dr. Keim wrote this article in response to the tragic events of
September 11, but as he points out, understanding grieving can
really help to support others in a wide variety of life situations
and challenges. You really can make a difference!
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