| As
I have traveled this Fall to my appointed duties, students
across America have been thinking, talking, studying,
and praying about the events of September 11th and since
that have changed the way we think, feel, and live.
At the University of Wyoming a student asked me if I
had any thoughts about coping with grief, a sense of
loss, and sadness that accompanies any tragic event.
During
my six years as a Hall Director I had several situations
in which a student or staff member was faced with
an unanticipated event that shook them to their core.
The death of a friend, a parent's divorce, the breakup
of an important relationship...these and many other
situations can create a sense of fear and hopelessness.
I came across the writings of Elizabeth
Kubler-Ross and they helped me help others. I
present to you a summary of the Stages of Grieving.
Stage
One: Shock & Denial
"No way...it can't be happening." "Tell
me it was just a nightmare." "How could
this happen?"
Stage
Two: Rage & Anger
"Why me?" "I'm outraged...this should
have never happened!" "We got to get back
at them for fhis...someone is going to pay."
Stage
Three: Bargaining
"God if you just heal my friend, I will be good
the rest of my life." "Take me instead of
her...she is better person." "Just this
once...make it go away."
Stage
Four: Depression
"I am so sad." "I don't know how I
can go on." "This ruins everything."
State
Five: Acceptance
"We can't let this make us live in fear."
"I have to go on...he would have wanted me to."
"I am going to live my life more fully now and
let the people I love know I love them."
I
want you to know that moving through the stages takes
time and that each individual deals with things differently
than the next person. Also, progression through the
stages is more manageable if we talk to our roommates,
Resident Assistants, Hall Directors, or Counselors.
No person is an island and crisis can and should bring
us together in community with others who suffer and
grieve.
There
are two resources I would leave you with: "When
Bad Things Happen to Good People", by Rabbi
Harold Kushner, and "A
Grief Observed " by C.S. Lewis.
You
may also find the writings of Kubler Ross helpful.
The greatest resources though are human resources.
Reach out to others in need and your may well find
your own sense of loss put in perspective.
The
last word belongs to Lisa Beamer, widow of WTC terrorist
victim Todd Beamer. She said, "I especially want
the terrorists to know that they have not even been
able to ruin the lives of the families of the people
they killed." God bless her and know that you
have the strength to weather any storm together with
your friends. Reach out...help and be helped.
Will
Keim, Ph.D.
www.willkeim.com
willkeim@home.com
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